SCP-303

Item #: SCP-303

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-303 is to be kept in a standard containment chamber at Site-19. The chamber is to be furnished with an empty chair, two bookshelves, and a table capable of housing a laptop computer. A copy of "The Ascent of Money" by Milton Friedman is to be kept on one of the shelves.

SCP-303 is to be supplied with 1 liter of water every day. SCP-303 may be fed 1 tablet of Activia every 8 hours if it does not wish to forage for food.

All personnel entering SCP-303's containment chamber are required to wear gloves and surgical masks (the latter due in part to the possibility that SCP-303's anomalous properties alter its natural body fluids). Personnel interacting with SCP-303 must also be equipped with earplugs and protective goggles.

A single empty seat in SCP-303's containment chamber serves as its control station, where it can listen to music or read its books or newspapers. Though it has no physical control over the devices in this station, it will allow anyone within range of the station to operate them if they know how to use them. If no one attempts to interact with the devices within 30 minutes, SCP-333 will emerge from this station and begin attempting to kill any human that enters it. No further details are available on how SCP-333 acts or behaves; however, personnel are advised that it is not actually alive.

Description: SCP-303 is a humanoid entity that stands 2.6 meters tall and walks upright on two limbs. Its head and face bear no resemblance to humanity whatsoever except for basic facial features like the nose, the eyes and the lips. SCP-303's body is otherwise entirely human, with no apparent abnormalities; however its skin appears to be extremely porous and sensitive, making it difficult to touch without causing a reaction.

SCP-303 has an acute awareness of several events occurring around it, regardless of whether they are physically visible or audible to it. It can make out what is happening within small rooms connected to its containment chamber as if they were adjacent rooms. It also seems capable of "hearing" music in such rooms, though this does not always work; it has shown an unusual preference for classical music despite its intolerance of most forms or styles of music.

SCP-303 is able to locate any individual by their voices regardless of the distance between them and can track them accurately across large distances for several hours. It possesses a limited form of magic that allows it to access the memories within a room simply by hearing those memories; if given at least one week, it can memorize an individual's entire life story, including all romantic relationships and traumatic experiences (see Incident 333-01).

When in proximity with a human being, SCP-303 will hold conversations with them (with some exceptions; see Interviews 303/1, 303/2) wherein they ask it questions which it seems able to answer to varying degrees of accuracy. The answers given by SCP-303 will seem entirely logical, even though they are completely unrealistic and counterintuitive in many cases. For example:

If questioned about the nature of reality itself and whether life truly is worth living, SCP-303 will generally respond "Do you have time for romantic adventures in old castles? Or do you have money you need saved?" Often interrogating individuals have reported being able to prove or disprove certain statements when asked by SCP-303. Males are more likely than females to take advantage of these statements' truth value in order to manipulate SCP-303 into revealing information through leading questions (see Interviews 303/3, 303/4).

Interview 303/1:

Interviewer: Doctor ███████

Interviewed: SCP-303

Doctor ███████: Good afternoon. May I ask your name?

SCP-303: Robin Hood. Lord Sheriff?

Doctor ███████: How may I address you?

SCP-303: You may call me Robin Hood before or after you give me money.

Doctor ███████: Are you aware that we're questioning you about your existence? You're responding as if you know something about humans' lives or circumstances which are not currently available on our planet Earth… Do you know something about us? Something we don't know? Is there any way you can tell us what it is? We don't like being lied to as much as you probably would like getting paid for doing so! … Oh wait! What was your question again? Ah yes… How may I address you?

SCP-303: Robin Wood should be alright… But your rooster crowing ought not interrupt the interview until my lord wants his hen back home! So I ask again… What do humans want from me, other than food? And why must I try to be nice? If I am supposed to be nice then why should my medicine make me sick every morning?! I feel faint! Speak up please![…]… I'm alright now, thank you Doctor… Now why don't I try telling my question again? Shall we get down to business then? Why don't we talk about your movie preferences? How about Tom Hanks movies based on mistaken identities or Tim Allen movies set in New York City where people keep their pet birds for company or Richard Dreyfuss movies about single men trying to balance work with family life despite their financial limitations? Movies where society makes some symbolic statement for illiterate foreigners who own exotic pets but never read books themselves… Movies made for people who feel isolated from nature could have also worked well… Yes yes! Many happy things in my favorite movies are only possible because of the Westernization process! […] And take note well Doctor! This little test... this experiment - this examination - is not meant as a punishment by my kind… Your companionship may help me become less afraid of humans. So please let us sit together peacefully once more! Thank you Doctor! Thank you Lord Sheriff! Thank you Rob Roy! Thanks a lot guys

Addendum: For as long as it has been known that SCP-303 typically speaks in a dialect commonly associated with the English language, there is no record of it making any statements regarding its own existence.